Notes:

Lots of fun stuff in this episode. This is the first time Glorious Glorious Apex is heard. The Giant is many people's favorite character.

Synopsis:

Loki takes the role of raconteur and tour guide, while Thor details past exploits. They traverse the suburbs, getting at last a clear view of Glorious Glorious Apex, city of the gods.

Is there a word for the combination of awed and appalled? "Gee, whiz!" says Bill, surveying the gaudy city scape. His eye is caught by a curved tower with a bulbous tip. He learns that some gods have day jobs. Egged on by Norse troublemakers, he decides to create a house on the hillside. With a simple flex of his deific muscles, he creates...

{reet reet reet reet}
a Horrifying Monstrousity!

If you ever find yourself in his shoes, pay attention to what you're doing. He tries again, with more success.

They move onward to the outlands of myth, encountering Thor's natural prey: a giant. Loki takes a hundred and fifty foot long look at this giant and decides to derail Thor's monorail mind. Even if Thor won, he wouldn't want to be in the area while it happened. He starts fast-talking.

Meanwhile, Bill practices his nonchalance on the giant, Nai Hune, who practices his condescension on Bill. Nai Hune is so impressed with Bill's spunk that he invites the group back to his place for grub. Thor, considerably calmer and less cheerful, grudgingly agrees. They pitch camp, intending to set off in the morning.

However, the giant snores, and Thor's self-control, never his best feature, cracks. He assaults Nai Hune with increasing ferocity, but the giant doesn't even wake up. Thor is emotionally crushed. Bill finally resorts to the ancient solution: "Nai Hune! Roll over, big guy!" Thor is physically crushed. The rest of the night passes peacefully.

In the morning, they make it to the giant's holding, but before they can dive on the food, they learn the catch; they have to prove they're worthy of eating with giants. There follows a series of tests, each, seemingly, far too easy, but each beyond Thor or Loki's abilities to accomplish. Loki is struck with an inspiration: Bill broke out of Reality Jail. He must be some sort of God of Escapes! Loki proposes, Nai Hune accepts, and Bill decides, after being thrown into the giant's trash compactor, that he really should pay closer attention to conversations when Loki is speaking.

Bill is game, though, and escapes from the compactor. Well, actually, he tries and fails. He tries and fails again. He starts to panic, and scream. Who really wants to die crushed against a seventeen-foot banana peel, after all? He tries to get the test called off, but it seems they can't hear him over the noise of the compactor. With a final, nasty, squishy sound, the trash compactor finishes its cycle. Nai gloats while Loki and Thor gape, but when the lid is lifted, the tables are turned: Bill isn't there!

While the Norse half-brothers pig out, Nai Hune tries to pry information out of them. Finally abandoning subtlety, he admits flatly that his tests were all cheats, impossible to accomplish and concealed by illusion. What Bill has actually done, rather than busting out of a trash compactor, is breaking free of the bonds of his own fate... Loki and Thor ponder briefly, agree that what Bill has done is starkly impossible, and resume scarfing all food in sight. Nai Hune nearly dies of curiosity.

Bill asks, in a stunned voice, "Where... am I?"

Cast:

Character	Actor
Bill Wright, II	Jason Cole
Benny	Kevin Swan
Thor	Nolan Palmer
Loki	Curt 'Mo' Becker
Ahriman	Kevin Swan
Percy (Nigh Hoon)	James R. Sargent
Eureka	Shannon Adams
Granny	Shannon Adams
End is Nigh Guy	Jason Cole
Announcer	Kevin Swan
.	.

Notes:

Oooh. The bad guy is introduced. Bill has a fun conversation with Nyo. Nyo's voice is actually Jason and I saying the same things over and over (and over and over) again, then lining them more or less on top of eachother for the final 'legion' effect.

Synopsis:

Bill, stunned, voices, asks, "Where... am I?"
Bill asks, in a stunned voice, "Where... am I?"
Bill, stunned, asks in a voice, "Where... am I?"
Bill, asks, stunned, in a voice, "Where... am I?"

      "Where"

    "Where"

  "Where"

 "Where"

     "Where

            am I?

He's in a well-appointed boarding house, lit by gaslight. He's climbing a wooden staircase. He's standing in front of a well-done oil landscape. He's reaching the second story. He is caught, flatfooted, in the fever-brilliant eyes of a dishevelled fanatic!

This hairy English loon is Samuel Taylor Coleridge.

Bill was brought up polite, he offers a hand. Coleridge offers contempt and a consuming self-involvement. Bill, remaining frienuly, recites poetry and tries to have a conversation during the pauses in Coleridge's tirade. Then, memory returns:

Coleridge is the famed author of such undisputed classics of english poetry as The Rime of the Ancient Mariner!

Bill hauls back and decks him. How satisfying!

Turning his attention to other matters, his need to know drives him to seek the Library of the Gods. He creates a door to Reality Library and steps through.

Ever get lost on your way through a door? The steely-eyed woman watching him is no librarian. The device she levels at him is not a date-stamp. Her questions don't relate to index numbers. That's okay; neither do Bill's answers. Somehow he winds up borrowing a couple of books anyway.

Back at his place, Bill finds out about fame: You can't shut it off, you can only barely shut it out. In the process he acquires a faithful companion, Frido, an electrified dog.

There's no substitute for kicking back in your own house, dog at your feet, reading a good book or two. Among other things, Bill learns that gods' access to earth is defined and limited by the time, intensity, and location of their worshippers. In particular, when a god is unknown on earth, that period is inaccessible to them. Another book claims that every single contradictory creation myth is true, and also that gods are created by belief in the first place.

It seems that mythocosmology is comfortable with contradiction.

Along about then, Ahriman drops in with a housewarming gift, makes a couple of quick book reviews, one thumb up, one thumb down, and drops out again. Ahriman's comment about the original author of one of the books sets Bill to thinking. This genius is in the inaccessible past, but perhaps Bill, lacking worshippers, lacks their temporal constraint.

Well, it's worth a shot, right? Our man opens a corridor, timewise, into distant prehuman regions. He emerges on a nightlit wasteland, devoid of anything pleasant or alive.

Something moves.

Approaches disturbingly fast.

Arrives.

Cast:

Character	Actor
Bill Wright, II	Jason Cole
Sam Taylor Coleridge	Kevin Swan
Ahriman	Kevin Swan
Katya	Shannon Adams
Nyarlathotep	Kevin Swan Jason Cole
Rudolpho	Joe Monroe
Announcer	Kevin Swan
.	.

Notes:

Many folks think this is the best episode. Harry and Mo are first introduced and thus we get Bill's first 2 worshippers. The effects were all recorded with our DA-P1 so when you hear the waves spashing on the boat, they were captured by Kevin hanging over the bow of a Seattle Ferry. When you hear the U-Boat sink, the 'blurps' are our watter jug taking on some air - slowed down.

Synopsis:

Greeting a nonhuman entity, uncounted time before humanity's dawn: Miss Manners suggests, "Flee. If not at top speed, at least quickly. Screaming is certainly acceptable, though Miss Manners would remain silent if the creature had ears and prey-drive. If you brought companions, it is crass to abandon them."

Bill again displays his gaucherie by staying, to talk. This being is in fact who Bill seeks. Bill asks for help, and gets turned down cold. Bill turns on the old charm and wheeules a little. The entity is immune to the old charm and is unimpressed by wheeules. To be totally honest, it seems flat-out crackers. Squirrel food. One olive short of an executive lunch.

Bill, in some exasperation, asks, "What are you, anyway?" and, unfortunately, that question gets answered in detail.

Name: Nyarlathotep. Age: A large multiple of the age of the current universe. Job title: Apocalyptic Horror. Turn-ons: Gestating malignantly in desolation unchanging, consuming all sentient life. Turn-offs: Sanity, existence itself.

Then it demands a ride back to the populated universe. Bill finally takes Miss Manners's advice, and hotfoots it away from that bad thing.

Back to Glorious Glorious Apex, back to the squalor, the filth, the espresso vendors. Bill thinks he can hold his java, but he's never had a double shot the way they pitch'em here. Symptoms include muscle lock, uncontrollable screaming, sweating, clenched jaws and bazooka barfing. Ahem. Back to the squalor, the filth, the mimes. Bill, still hunting for some meaning to his new existence, searches the phone book for help, and settles on the firm of Upuwat and Sons, career guidance counsellors.

Upuwat turns out to be a wizened and frienuly wolf-headed gent, CEO, proprietor, and Opener of the Way. He makes thoroughly clear several points:

• Bill needs worshippers, or he risks losing his form and personality.
• Bill's power is no accident. It exists with a purpose.
• Although Bill can escape his fate, he cannot control it.

Bill prioritizes, and begins a worshipper hunt. Back at his workplace on earth, Syner-Gist-of-It, he checks the time, upgrades his hardware, and naps.

Awakened by a coworker Harry, Bill starts dishing out the miracles. Harry brushes these off with impenetrable sang-froid and exits. Bill reconsiders his tactics. Console jockeys, it seems, have the same tactic for dealing with the supernatural as they do with the mundane world: Smile and nod, maybe it'll go away. Bill needs to approach them on their own ground.

And that's the key. Bill, gleeful, begins coding some starkly impossible software. Five hours later he emerges, loaded for bear. Down at the bullpen, a skeptical audience is harangued by Mo, another high-stress programmer. He's trying to spread the word about the sinister implications of ambiguous over-the-counter medication, but somewhere along the way, his point is lost.

Productivity improves when the Bossman enters. He gives orders for the hanuling of the Carnauba Wax Crisis, excoriates Bill, and exits, macerating carrot. Bill takes his cue.

Calling Mo and Harry aside, Bill makes a three point presentation.

• Bill's a god
• He needs worshippers
• He's chosen Mo and Harry

Mo and Harry see it more as the opening joke than the presentation, but our man has prepared for this. He commandeers a console and runs his first demo, a simple hack that revs the computer into hyperspace. M and H are displeased at the lack of concern this shows; Mo fears the security breach and Harry wants his monitor back.

Bill takes his second shot, a naval battle simulator. They stand on the deck, drummer's beat shivering the wooden hull, raw muscle power boosting the craft to nearly twelve cubits per second. The captain's bulging eyes, spit-flecked face, and waggling sword indicate a keen appreciation of mayhem soon to be made. Their target, a German VIIC, doesn't have a hope.

Krunch. Glub, glub. Yawwn. Once again, Bill has failed to get a rise. He can't take it. He's starting to give up. He's giving up. He's given -- wait... There's spectacular, and then there's inconceivable. Bill promises them the moon, in the form of job perks. THIS they don't believe. THIS Bill delivers.

THIS, for Harry and Mo, is a religious experience. Success is sweet, by golly.

Back at his house in the suburbs of Glorious Glorious Apex, our hero decides time is ripe to hunt down the source of his power. He's determined, focussed, and... How, uh, how do you do that, exactly? It's not like looking for your car keys. It's not even like looking for something to do on Friday night.

(to be completed later - probably much later, but HEY, it's not like we get PAID for this)

Cast:

Character	Actor
Bill Wright, II	Jason Cole
Upuwat	Joe Monroe
Moe	Kevin Swan
Harry	Kevin Swan
Nyarlathotep	Kevin Swan Jason Cole
Bossman	Jeremiah Brewer
Announcer	Kevin Swan
Benny	Kevin Swan
Great Caffinni	Kevin Swan
Kapitan Hans Fahrvegnugen	Rob Kline
Frydo	Joe Monroes
.	.

Notes:

Much closer to our current style. Some of our favorite writing appears in the first scene between Benny and Bill (which is also why the episode is named Tangents.) Benny actually uses every tangent word as he refocuses the scene back on the murder case. Pretty fun.

Synopsis:

It's real good.

Cast:

Character	Actor
Bill Wright, II	Jason Cole
Benny	Kevin Swan
Thor	Nolan Palmer
Loki	Curt 'Mo' Becker
Ahriman	Kevin Swan
Kali	Sabrina Foiender
Katia	Shannon Adams
Announcer	Kevin Swan
.	.

Notes:

We feel this is one of our most excellent episodes. When Colleridge takes over the introduction - everything he says about the show is true: The first scene _is_ 9 minutes exactly. The next three scenes are 3 minutes each, the next six scenes are 1 minute each, and so on, and so on.

Why? (They all ask that...) Well, it was a turning point in the story, where the feces begins to spray from the fan, so we thought the structure of the episode should reflect that.

Bill is getting more and more distracted and confused which is represented as the scenes get shorter and more harried.

Bottom line, though, is that we like a good challenge and writing in this form proved to be such. This episode was the most demanding in post-production as well. Many more cast members, many more sound effects and music cues.

As we record each actor separately (for the most part) and then later mix them together in the Macintosh, this episode cost us much time...

Synopsis:

Lots of stuff happens

Cast:

Character	Actor
.	.

Notes:

8 features the voices of two of the four Firesign Theatre members: David Ossman and Phil Proctor. The outdoor scenes were difficult, but we managed to wrangle some great sounds with our portable DAT recorder.

I was really going for "space" in this episode... Trying to build 3D sound by moving people around in rooms, footfalls, gravel crunching, etc. Some fun experimentation...

Synopsis:

Bill enlists the help of Harry and Mo as they head to Earth during the 1800s in search of Nyarlathotep.

Cast:

Character	Actor
The Pirate	David Ossman
Murphy	Phil Proctor
WWII	Jason Cole
Arihman	Kevin Swan
Katya	Shanon Morris
Kali	Sabrina Fionder
Benny	Kevin Swan
Mo	Kevin Swan
Harry	Kevin Swan
Aquarius	Richard Fish
News Caster	Richard Fish
Nyarlathotep	Kevin Swan
TV	Kevin Swan
Melvin	Daniel Geduld
The Vet	Diane Kondrat
.	.

Notes:

After many years, the Saga picks up again! I completed episode 9 in 2005 thanks to the generosity of Anne, Chris, Phil, and Jennifer. It was tough, finishing the writing and production on my own (this is the first episode I've done sans Jason Cole), but it was satisfiying to finish it.

Special note: Angelo Panetta of Panetta Studios scored this episode and it's fantastic. Thanks to Angelo!

Synopsis:

Arihman and Bill square off and duke it out.
Bill's rug is ruined.

Cast:

Character	Actor
Arihman	Kevin Swan
WWII	Jason Cole
Kali	Sabrina Fionder
Katya	Shanon Morris
Loki	Curt Becker
Thor	Nolan Palmer
Benny	Kevin Swan
Announcer	Kevin Swan
Gremlins	Kevin Swan & John Webber
.	.

Notes:

Endgame.

Synopsis:

Just as soon as I finish the other ones...

Notes:

It was late one evening when I put this together. Inspired by the trailer for the movie, “Twister” which had a false ending followed by a tractor tire flying through the air and smashing into the audience’s car window, I wanted something starteling and disturbing that got folks' attention.

Notes:

A 7-year old neighbor of mine had the sweetest voice. We thought it was pretty funny to hear her say "use a dictionary...it starts with c" with contempt.

This spot actually ran on the radio in Seattle.

The only response we got was someone in advertising calling us up and getting pretty angry with us because we "insulted the audience" and, according to him, that's something you can't do in marketing.

Clearly, he was wrong.

Notes:

This was a quick spot I wrote and recorded that was going to broadcast in Seattle. However, we ended up moving to the midwest, and so it sat on the shelf.

Notes:

We wrote this so we could have a script to test our new digital audio workstation before using it on episode 6 of Apotheosis.

We thought it was terribly funny, but I believe everyone else just thought it was terrible.

Notes:

Jason and I did a LOT of hanging out in the studio and improving. Frequently, we'd ask musicians to pop in and help us out. In this case, we were waiting for the bass player to return and I was just thumping around on the conga when Jason started reading...

Hey, don't knock it—we get more traffic from all the losers looking up 'spanking' on their search engine.

(Note: the text starts about half-way through the "song.")

Notes:

Listen to one of our early intreviews with the famous Nelson Bankhead.

It could be that alcohol was involved somewhere in the making of this session...

Notes:

Here is the Carousel scene (from the Apotheosis Saga) as it was originally produced. We had this great idea of Benny and Bill spinning around and around, leaving the audience only part of the conversation. It didn't work out so well, and in the final version of the scene we stuck the listener on the carousel with the characters, instead of leaving them to watch Bill and Benny spin in and out of view.

Notes:

One night in the studio, things had gotten a bit silly. This little 'ad' is the result.